How To Be A Better Person? 3 Expert Tips
There's a trend of telling people they're good enough just as they are. But is that really true? One of the experts quoted below makes a clear point: if you don't grow as a person, you'll suffer, and so will the people around you.
What does "better" actually mean here? Becoming a better person in a moral sense? Doing more good than bad? Getting better at something, like your job, relationships or a particular skill? Or is it about personal growth, which often comes down to learning how to handle your emotions?
I wanted to know what experts are saing about what it means and how to become a better person.
Admit Your Mistakes and Learn From Them
I've heard that even people who do bad things often see themselves as good. But even when you're genuinely a good person, admitting your mistakes can be hard. Your ego gets in the way.
Dolly Chugh, a social psychologist, says:
We're working so hard to protect that good person identity, to keep out of that red zone, that we're not actually giving ourselves space to learn from our mistakes and actually be better people.
Be There For Others
If you look at podcasts, articles and other self-help content online, you'll find endless advice on how to spot narcissists, avoid them or get out of a relationship with one. You'd think the world was full of dangerous people and helping others was no longer worth it.
Simon Sinek, an inspirational speaker on business leadership, says:
We have hard skills (the skills you need to do your job) and human skills (the skills you need to be a better human being). And I want more human skills in the world. There's an entire section in the bookshop called self-help but there's no section called help others.
Focus On What Really Matters
This is interesting and counterintuitive.
Azim Shariff, a social psychologist, says:
We find that people attach moral worth to effort regardless of what that effort produces.
So if you want others to see you as a good person, what matters is the effort you put in, not whether you succeed. As Azim Shariff explains, you might seem less competent, but people will still judge you as morally good:
The harder-working person was seen as more moral and a better cooperation partner, even though they added no extra value.
But if you genuinely want to become a better person, you need to stop wasting time on pointless tasks and keeping yourself busy just for the sake of it. Work smarter, make better use of your time and energy, and accept that others may see you as lucky - someone who works less than other people but still gets what they want.
Azim Shariff:
We have built a culture that asks for the wrong thing. If all we ask from each other is the effort that we put in, we will create a world full of effort and of hard labor. But if what we ask from each other is to produce something meaningful, we will create a world full of meaning. And what could be more moral than that?
The Bottom Line
But why bother trying to improve yourself at all? Why is being a good person not enough, and why should you strive to be better?
To avoid pain.
Jordan Peterson says:
Why should you even bother improving yourself? I think the answer to that is so you don't suffer anymore stupidly than you have to. And maybe so others don't have to either. If you don't organize yourself properly, you'll pay for it. In a big way! And so will the people around you. You can say: "Well, I don't care about that!" but that's actually not true. You actually do care about that. Because if you're in pain, you will care about it.
